Monday, April 2, 2012
Other Random Thought (ORT) 1: Coe Library
It must take a lot, I mean A LOT, to get 86'd out of Coe Library. I'm pretty sure that we owe everyone studying on 2nd floor cookies after the giggling that ensued tonight. How no one came over to tell us to shut up, I have no idea. Does anyone work here? Or they just show up to flicker the lights at 11:45pm? If I worked here, I would have told us to shut up. At least once.
Rule 1: The Rule of 85/15
The other day and friend and I were talking about the effort that one puts into getting and keeping a relationship. I think this started when talking about someone that we mutually know who is in a relationship where they seem to put in all of the effort and not get a lot of reward. My friend's mom once told her that relationships follow the rule of 85/15. Meaning, one person is usually the 85 and one person is the 15.
Say, for example, that you really like someone and they don't know you exist. You make the effort to get to know them and they are probably nice back to you - I would hope! Because you are the pursuer and he/she is the pursuee, you are probably putting in 85% of the work and getting 15% of the benefit. They, on the other hand are getting attention, homemade cookies, sweet emails - 85% of the benefit with only 15% of the effort. I mean, all they have to worry about is the Facebook stalking and being followed around like a man with a puppy....but I digress. Ok, but seriously, this is how it normally happens. Couples may even start a serious relationship out of this scenario and it may be completely successful.
Does this continue as the relationship continues? Sure it does! One person is still finishing school so their partner gets a job and supports them. Then the other partner supports their wife/husband while they go to grad school. I'm not talking about just monetary support. Time, effort, sleep, cooking, going to PTA meetings, sacrificing time with extended family so one can meet school or work deadlines. And it can trade off time after time over a lifetime. Does it ever equal out? Maybe. I mean, couples may reach a point where they are just together and are both at a place in their lives where they can just "be" together in an equal relationship. But is it ever really balanced? Or is one person always more invested than the other at some point?
I'm not saying this is a bad thing. Not at all! Not that I have a current relationship to reap this knowledge from, but people in a relationship should be willing to sacrifice for each other so that they can grow together and be happy. And also, I'm not saying that the one going to school is always the 15% effort while the partner supporting them is putting in 85% of the work. It could be that one person feels obligated to get a higher education so that they can get a better job, make more money, buy a bigger house or better car for their family, pay for braces and sports and college tuition. They may be making the bigger sacrifice by going back to school. But think about it; it is almost always like this in some way.
Friendships, work relationships, business partnerships even fall into this rule. There is always one person who is more invested than the other. There is always a pursuer and a pursuee. Whether it be for attention, for a raise, for praise, to continue a business, to get their way when deciding where to go for spring break, or who is going to do the typing for the term project in class.
Would I rather be the 85% or the 15%? I think that depends. On a lot of things. It depends what it is worth to me in the end. Is putting in 85% of the effort going to pay off in the end? Will I eventually be the one receiving 85% of the benefit? If he's a smart guy, I will be! Otherwise he will find himself doing his own laundry.
Rule 1 Quote:
"Be careful what you wish for; you may end up doing his laundry." - unknown
Say, for example, that you really like someone and they don't know you exist. You make the effort to get to know them and they are probably nice back to you - I would hope! Because you are the pursuer and he/she is the pursuee, you are probably putting in 85% of the work and getting 15% of the benefit. They, on the other hand are getting attention, homemade cookies, sweet emails - 85% of the benefit with only 15% of the effort. I mean, all they have to worry about is the Facebook stalking and being followed around like a man with a puppy....but I digress. Ok, but seriously, this is how it normally happens. Couples may even start a serious relationship out of this scenario and it may be completely successful.
Does this continue as the relationship continues? Sure it does! One person is still finishing school so their partner gets a job and supports them. Then the other partner supports their wife/husband while they go to grad school. I'm not talking about just monetary support. Time, effort, sleep, cooking, going to PTA meetings, sacrificing time with extended family so one can meet school or work deadlines. And it can trade off time after time over a lifetime. Does it ever equal out? Maybe. I mean, couples may reach a point where they are just together and are both at a place in their lives where they can just "be" together in an equal relationship. But is it ever really balanced? Or is one person always more invested than the other at some point?
I'm not saying this is a bad thing. Not at all! Not that I have a current relationship to reap this knowledge from, but people in a relationship should be willing to sacrifice for each other so that they can grow together and be happy. And also, I'm not saying that the one going to school is always the 15% effort while the partner supporting them is putting in 85% of the work. It could be that one person feels obligated to get a higher education so that they can get a better job, make more money, buy a bigger house or better car for their family, pay for braces and sports and college tuition. They may be making the bigger sacrifice by going back to school. But think about it; it is almost always like this in some way.
Friendships, work relationships, business partnerships even fall into this rule. There is always one person who is more invested than the other. There is always a pursuer and a pursuee. Whether it be for attention, for a raise, for praise, to continue a business, to get their way when deciding where to go for spring break, or who is going to do the typing for the term project in class.
Would I rather be the 85% or the 15%? I think that depends. On a lot of things. It depends what it is worth to me in the end. Is putting in 85% of the effort going to pay off in the end? Will I eventually be the one receiving 85% of the benefit? If he's a smart guy, I will be! Otherwise he will find himself doing his own laundry.
Rule 1 Quote:
"Be careful what you wish for; you may end up doing his laundry." - unknown
Welcome to "Rules we live by...and other random thoughts"
Welcome to "Rules we live by...and other random thoughts". We all have 'rules that we live by'. You know, those unwritten (and sometimes written) rules that we let guide our thoughts and steps in work, love, friendships, academics...just life in general. The random thoughts, well those are the things that I just randomly want to think about 'out loud', and you who read are fortunate enough to become my sounding board. Or audience if it turns into a true comedy routine, which I cannot guarantee won't happen quite often. As we progress along this journey, exploring things here and there as we go, please feel free to comment or not comment. If you comment and I don't like it, I'll just delete it anyway lol (no, seriously). Just be gentle with me... it is a long journey that we are on and I'm just finding my way as many of you are; one rule and random thought at a time. Have faith.
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