I think it's no secret that when tragedy strikes, or we experience a loss, we usually pause to think about our lives and the good and bad and the value of what we have. Since December 14th, when 28 people died in Newtown, Connecticut, it seems that people have been more aware. More willing to be kind. This, coupled with the false belief about the Mayan calendars predicting the end of the world on December 21st, seemed to throw the whole of the US into a tailspin of worry and a bit of craziness, yet people pushed through to encourage goodness and compassion as the Christmas holiday came and went.
I think that the same kind of thing happens when we experience any kind of loss. We all grieve in different ways, but it seems that there is always a reaction of upping the "kindness factor" in our lives. Or at least taking time to be more aware of what we have or more thankful for what we have. Today I went to a funeral of the patriarch of the family that owns the company that my dad worked for. He was an honest man, a fair businessman, and a compassionate family man and friend. I sat and though about how those qualities are waning in our society. Now, I like a good funeral. Don't get me wrong. But this one was really good. Beautiful. After a funeral I always have a strong desire to call everyone I know and tell them how much I care for them.
So, regardless of what psychological thing makes us have this reaction to loss, I always feel so great when I do take the time to take stock of what I have in my life and really see what is around me. Since the shooting in Connecticut, and all of this other stuff, I've really started to make a conscious effort to be aware, and thankful. I started on this kick of #26Acts of Kindness which was started by Ann Curry after the shootings. It encourages people to do 26 random acts of kindness in memory of the people who were killed at Sandy Hoke school. My mom pointed out that we should do this anyway; without the additional motivation. Maybe she is right, but this is a good way to get people started. I've also spend quite a bit of time just looking around. Laramie is gorgeous in the winter. It's gorgeous most of the year. But the snow and the amazing color of the cool winter sky is phenomenal. I've stopped to take numerous pictures of snow, trees, clouds, sky. It helps that someone I know who now lives in Arizona really misses the snow and likes it when I send him pictures of what he's missing. Seems a bit masochistic, but I'll oblige. I find myself seeking out the best pictures to take. But, I also find myself having to choose from numerous pictures to send to him because I take so many.
In the end, I think that with loss comes gain. When we lose something, we feel the need to cling on to whatever we still have. We feel the need to be kinder, to be more giving, to be more helpful to others. We see things a little different. The sky is bluer. The moon and starts brighter. The beauty of nature is louder. So, while loss is sad yet inevitable, it can bring positive aspects to our life. I hope that we can hold onto those positive things and make them a constant, rather than having to wait for a loss or tragedy to put us in that mindset.
R2 Quote: John 14:27 "Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
Other Random Thought (ORT) 1: Coe Library
It must take a lot, I mean A LOT, to get 86'd out of Coe Library. I'm pretty sure that we owe everyone studying on 2nd floor cookies after the giggling that ensued tonight. How no one came over to tell us to shut up, I have no idea. Does anyone work here? Or they just show up to flicker the lights at 11:45pm? If I worked here, I would have told us to shut up. At least once.
Rule 1: The Rule of 85/15
The other day and friend and I were talking about the effort that one puts into getting and keeping a relationship. I think this started when talking about someone that we mutually know who is in a relationship where they seem to put in all of the effort and not get a lot of reward. My friend's mom once told her that relationships follow the rule of 85/15. Meaning, one person is usually the 85 and one person is the 15.
Say, for example, that you really like someone and they don't know you exist. You make the effort to get to know them and they are probably nice back to you - I would hope! Because you are the pursuer and he/she is the pursuee, you are probably putting in 85% of the work and getting 15% of the benefit. They, on the other hand are getting attention, homemade cookies, sweet emails - 85% of the benefit with only 15% of the effort. I mean, all they have to worry about is the Facebook stalking and being followed around like a man with a puppy....but I digress. Ok, but seriously, this is how it normally happens. Couples may even start a serious relationship out of this scenario and it may be completely successful.
Does this continue as the relationship continues? Sure it does! One person is still finishing school so their partner gets a job and supports them. Then the other partner supports their wife/husband while they go to grad school. I'm not talking about just monetary support. Time, effort, sleep, cooking, going to PTA meetings, sacrificing time with extended family so one can meet school or work deadlines. And it can trade off time after time over a lifetime. Does it ever equal out? Maybe. I mean, couples may reach a point where they are just together and are both at a place in their lives where they can just "be" together in an equal relationship. But is it ever really balanced? Or is one person always more invested than the other at some point?
I'm not saying this is a bad thing. Not at all! Not that I have a current relationship to reap this knowledge from, but people in a relationship should be willing to sacrifice for each other so that they can grow together and be happy. And also, I'm not saying that the one going to school is always the 15% effort while the partner supporting them is putting in 85% of the work. It could be that one person feels obligated to get a higher education so that they can get a better job, make more money, buy a bigger house or better car for their family, pay for braces and sports and college tuition. They may be making the bigger sacrifice by going back to school. But think about it; it is almost always like this in some way.
Friendships, work relationships, business partnerships even fall into this rule. There is always one person who is more invested than the other. There is always a pursuer and a pursuee. Whether it be for attention, for a raise, for praise, to continue a business, to get their way when deciding where to go for spring break, or who is going to do the typing for the term project in class.
Would I rather be the 85% or the 15%? I think that depends. On a lot of things. It depends what it is worth to me in the end. Is putting in 85% of the effort going to pay off in the end? Will I eventually be the one receiving 85% of the benefit? If he's a smart guy, I will be! Otherwise he will find himself doing his own laundry.
Rule 1 Quote:
"Be careful what you wish for; you may end up doing his laundry." - unknown
Say, for example, that you really like someone and they don't know you exist. You make the effort to get to know them and they are probably nice back to you - I would hope! Because you are the pursuer and he/she is the pursuee, you are probably putting in 85% of the work and getting 15% of the benefit. They, on the other hand are getting attention, homemade cookies, sweet emails - 85% of the benefit with only 15% of the effort. I mean, all they have to worry about is the Facebook stalking and being followed around like a man with a puppy....but I digress. Ok, but seriously, this is how it normally happens. Couples may even start a serious relationship out of this scenario and it may be completely successful.
Does this continue as the relationship continues? Sure it does! One person is still finishing school so their partner gets a job and supports them. Then the other partner supports their wife/husband while they go to grad school. I'm not talking about just monetary support. Time, effort, sleep, cooking, going to PTA meetings, sacrificing time with extended family so one can meet school or work deadlines. And it can trade off time after time over a lifetime. Does it ever equal out? Maybe. I mean, couples may reach a point where they are just together and are both at a place in their lives where they can just "be" together in an equal relationship. But is it ever really balanced? Or is one person always more invested than the other at some point?
I'm not saying this is a bad thing. Not at all! Not that I have a current relationship to reap this knowledge from, but people in a relationship should be willing to sacrifice for each other so that they can grow together and be happy. And also, I'm not saying that the one going to school is always the 15% effort while the partner supporting them is putting in 85% of the work. It could be that one person feels obligated to get a higher education so that they can get a better job, make more money, buy a bigger house or better car for their family, pay for braces and sports and college tuition. They may be making the bigger sacrifice by going back to school. But think about it; it is almost always like this in some way.
Friendships, work relationships, business partnerships even fall into this rule. There is always one person who is more invested than the other. There is always a pursuer and a pursuee. Whether it be for attention, for a raise, for praise, to continue a business, to get their way when deciding where to go for spring break, or who is going to do the typing for the term project in class.
Would I rather be the 85% or the 15%? I think that depends. On a lot of things. It depends what it is worth to me in the end. Is putting in 85% of the effort going to pay off in the end? Will I eventually be the one receiving 85% of the benefit? If he's a smart guy, I will be! Otherwise he will find himself doing his own laundry.
Rule 1 Quote:
"Be careful what you wish for; you may end up doing his laundry." - unknown
Welcome to "Rules we live by...and other random thoughts"
Welcome to "Rules we live by...and other random thoughts". We all have 'rules that we live by'. You know, those unwritten (and sometimes written) rules that we let guide our thoughts and steps in work, love, friendships, academics...just life in general. The random thoughts, well those are the things that I just randomly want to think about 'out loud', and you who read are fortunate enough to become my sounding board. Or audience if it turns into a true comedy routine, which I cannot guarantee won't happen quite often. As we progress along this journey, exploring things here and there as we go, please feel free to comment or not comment. If you comment and I don't like it, I'll just delete it anyway lol (no, seriously). Just be gentle with me... it is a long journey that we are on and I'm just finding my way as many of you are; one rule and random thought at a time. Have faith.
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